Two Leadership Network members, two cultures, and a tale of two weddings
When Leadership Network member Anisha Chawla boarded a plane from New Zealand to Singapore at 21 for a role at Facebook, she had no idea the move would eventually lead to not one, but two weddings—across two continents, cultures, and communities.
Anisha and Brent share the story of how they met during their Indian wedding celebration
Anisha's love story began in the sticky heat and skyscraper-lined streets of the cosmopolitan city-state, where she met Brent Coleman, a fellow Kiwi who had first moved to Singapore to study at NUS on an Asia New Zealand Foundation scholarship.
Their bond grew over shared values and complementary worldviews. While Brent had spent much of his adult life immersed in Asia, Anisha had spent most of her adult life in New Zealand, so both understood the nuances of East and West well.
The two instantly became great friends. They would hang out as buddies every weekend, exploring new spots in Singapore and connecting over the complexities, and often hilarious differences, of navigating between two cultures. Their relationship unfolded organically: a meeting of minds first, then cultures.
Anisha and Brent during their time living in Singapore
Fast forward five years, and Anisha and Brent celebrated their connection by getting married—not once, but twice, once in India and once in New Zealand.
From multi-day ceremonies with fabulous outfit changes, mass-scale dance performances, and hundreds of people participating in rituals, to laid-back and intimate New Zealand countryside scenes, their weddings reflected the cross-cultural life they had built together.
What made both events special wasn’t just the symbolism, but the effort it took to honour the expectations of two very different worlds.
“In India, weddings are for the community. In New Zealand, they’re often just for the couple,” Anisha reflects. “We had to design an experience that respected both cultures without losing ourselves in the process.”
She became not just a bride, but a cross-cultural project manager, negotiator, and translator, coordinating ceremonies, managing family expectations across continents, and gently navigating cultural assumptions, all while preserving the core of what their union represented: partnership, respect, and shared vision.
While their love story might seem like a modern fairytale, Anisha is quick to acknowledge the deeper truths beneath it.
Hosting two ceremonies was no small feat. As Anisha says, “Managing expectations across borders to please everyone can be quite difficult.”
The whole planning process took 9–10 months and uncovered stark, interesting differences in wedding culture between India and New Zealand.
In India, it is considered rude not to invite someone—even a distant relative you haven’t been in touch with. In New Zealand, ceremonies tend to be intimate, and it’s a privilege, not a right, to be invited.
Anisha: "...looking back on the New Zealand wedding, I think of it as an ode to the life we have built."
In New Zealand, the planning process and big day are led primarily by the bride and groom, maybe the parents too.
In India, “It’s a matter of family pride. Everyone bands together. There are massive dance practices,” Anisha says. Getting your aunties, uncles, and distant family out on the dance floor is an essential investment for the collective.
Cross-cultural relationships aren’t just about romance. They’re about being willing to sit with discomfort, reframe what ‘normal’ looks like, and build something new, not simply inherit tradition.
After extensive planning, involving several trips back to India, high-intensity dance practices, cross-family negotiations with teams of vendors, and countless clothing fittings with different designers, it was time for the big day.
Anisha and Brent enter the Haldi Mehendi Carnival—a pre-wedding celebration focussing on the application of mehendi (henna) for the bride and guests
With a guest list of 500, considered micro by Indian standards, the festivities began. Indian weddings can be held over an entire week, but Brent and Anisha wanted to condense theirs due to a portion of guests coming from overseas.
The multi-event Indian wedding agenda is usually staged with one event per day, ranging anywhere from 4–8 hours long. With their condensed timeline, Anisha reflects, “People just didn’t want to leave! We had to stop the music and usher people out of one of the day events so we could get ready for the next one!”
Brent and Anisha followed key traditions but put their own spin on them. Their weddings weren’t just ceremonies, they were acts of intentionality, a way to honour heritage, rewrite tradition, and build a foundation that reflects the kind of inclusive, global future they hope to be part of.
An Indian wedding is a multi-day event made up of a number of stages and rituals
When Anisha looks back on the two wedding celebrations now, she wouldn’t change a thing.
Both weddings helped keep their respective communities engaged in their newlywed lives. In her words, “I realise how important it was to do the Indian event in India. Looking back on the New Zealand wedding, I think of it as an ode to the life we have built.”
When Anisha was asked for any nuggets of wisdom to preserve the sanity of anyone planning an Indian wedding, she had this to offer: “Acknowledge the fact that your wedding isn’t for you.” She laughs, “If you are the one who is Indian, just know that it’s just as much your family’s event as yours.”
The Asia New Zealand Foundation Leadership Network equips the next generation of Kiwi leaders to thrive in Asia. We provide members with the connections, knowledge and confidence to lead New Zealand’s future relationship with the region.
